Saturday, November 12, 2011'♥
Decided to blog before I slp..
Or maybe I can't even get to slp..
Haix.. How should I start..
Me and xiao heng broke up le..
But until now my heart is still pain and I dun think it will recover..
He's the first first first guy that I open my heart to..
He's so different from the other guys that used to be with
But ever since we broke up, his attitude to me is totally different
He no longer care and concern about me..
He just nv talk to me anymore of his things..
Maybe he's starting to hate me le bahx
Haix.. I also dunno how to say..
Whenever I try to make him smile, he just ignore me..
Whenever I take one step forward to him, he take one step back.
Maybe he no longer love me anymore..
Until now, I still wan to try to patch things back..
But is it possible???
I love him deeply... Maybe I love him the wrong way.
He's always joking around with other staff but not me..
Which made me felt left out..
How long will my heart heal from this relationship???
I really dunno.. Dunno at all..
Friday, October 21, 2011'♥
Decided to blog before I slp today.
This seems to be the only place I can talk to..
Today is a bad day..
Me and xiao heng quarreled..
The reason to that is bcos of my injured leg..
It somehow starts to hurt badly and gets swollen..
I dunno the reason why but I think is bcos of the weather recently..
He keeps asking me to go home today but I didn't wan to go home and rest..
I know he's doing that out of good intention but I didn't wan him to be so tired..
And I dun wan to trouble others..
Maybe he didn't know what I'm thinking bahx..
But other than that, I tried to talk to him but he just said that he wan to go home
Haix.. Hard communicating..
Today I'm so tired.. Didn't went for break..
He didn't let me go break first before gg home
But it's ok lahx.. It's my fate.
Tmr doing full shift..
Just hope that my leg will be gd and let me pass my day smoothly..
That's all I ask for..
Gg to slp now.. Gd night, ppl..
Wish me luck tmr..
Wednesday, October 5, 2011'♥
Today I'm very happy...
It's been so long since I'm so happy like today
Mmm.. Today he came to find me after I finish work..
It's totally so surprised.. I nv tot that he'll come to find me..
I'm so touched and so happy..
But I won't be greedy to hope so much that it will happen again..
Actually once in a while makes me cherish it more..
We went to eat char grill bar and I walked him to the bus stop
We chit chat abit and he told me that he dunno whether is he disappointed in me or in himself
He is disappointed in me Liao..
The first thinking in my head when he said that was is it he is disappointed in our relationship?? Is it he's thinking of breaking up with me??
Haix.. Somehow I'm losing confidence that I can keep him by my side..
Although I'm always smiling, it's bcos I dun wan him to feel bored..
Aiyo.. I dunno what I'm writing lahx.. Just hope for the better.. That's all..
I just hope to start a day and end a day with a smile..
Tuesday, September 27, 2011'♥
Decided to blog before I slp..
Recently happened alot of things..
Things that made me feel terrible.
But I really want to go back to the past.. To the past when we r always smiling and joking around.. But now it seems hard..
He hardly smile.. I made his smile become 86..
It's all my fault.. I feel so guilty.
He keep saying that it's ok it's nothing between us..
But I really feel that the problem is there..
And it lies with me.. I didn't want things to turn out this way..
I feels that maybe is my attitude when it comes to work..
Haix.. Hard to change but I will change..
Change for the better.. Change for the future..
I'm so lost of confidence..
Can my relationship keep gg?? Or it will have a full stop???
How I wish I can have a hug...
How I wish when I cry there's someone to say it's ok..
How I wish I can slp tonight..
How I wish I could stop crying..
How I wish how I wish..
Tuesday, September 13, 2011'♥
Today I send a msg to concern him bcos of the bad weather recently..
Actually didn't expect that he will reply me but seeing that he replied me makes my heart keep smiling.. Maybe he's not that heartless afterall..
Haix.. In the end, I'm the one who give in..
Ppl say in a relationship there must be a person who will always give in..
Somehow is it I'm the one who always give in??
But doesn't matters, as long as he replys me..
He ask me not to cry too much..
But how did he know that I cried..
Mmm.. Is it he put CCTV in my room??
Lolx.. Haix.. Sometimes I wonder that could we go back to the past??
Although today he replied my msg but he didn't say the 3 words that I want to hear..
Will I ever hear the 3 words again??
Now the time is 3.30am..
I wonder if I can get to slp today..
Night night
Sunday, September 11, 2011'♥
Today is just a fucking fucking day..
A day that I just want to scream out loud..
So totally pissed off..
He is my bf, even if I'm angry with him I also can't bear to scold him
But somehow I feel that the feeling that we used to have has changed totally..
It feels that we have already finished the honeymoon period..
Haix.. He is always talking in a manner that he dun care anymore..
He talks sarcastically to me and he didn't even think about how I will feel after listening..
Everytime I wan to tell him how I feels but I scared that it will changes everything..
I'm in a pathetic state now..
Can't scold can't blackface can't say out the words that is already at my mouth..
I know that he is my superior and he's my bf but pls pls pls do not say that bcos u r my superior then u can't make decisions.. I know where my limits r.. He will nv know that how angry and pissed off I was when I heard all those words coming out from his mouth..
I really dunno what to do now..
I guess this is the only place I can say out what i'm feeling inside..
Haix.. Dunno how long this cold war is gg to last..
But just hope it will end ASAP..
Haix.. Not gg to say anymore.. I'm gg to hide inside my pillow and cry..
Cry until I tired then I'll slp..
Tuesday, August 16, 2011'♥
I'm here to update
Today we went geylang serai to walk walk
Was quite interesting...
After that he walked me home
On the way home, I asked him whether is he gg to acc me on my bday
His response was work.. I know that he have to work
But I tot maybe he will say after work then acc me or what
Am I expecting abit too much?? :(
My heart totally cracked but I didn't blame him at all
Bcos I know that the outcome will be like that
So I was abit over-reacted..
I know my reaction will make him give in to me
But when he said that he will go, his face looks so forced to go..
His expression tells it all..
Perhaps I'm expecting too much..
I have decided not to celebrate bday..
So this yr maybe I'll spend my bday working again just like last yr..
Bcos nobody rmb my bday.......
